“Culture is the way we do things around here.”
I love this quote from organizational consultants Deal and Kennedy. It’s so simple, and yet so true. I remember first hearing it in my school leadership master’s program, and it stuck with me because it captured something essential: culture is the lived experience, the informal expectations, customs, and unspoken rules that shape how we interact each day.
This week, that quote returned to me as I reflected on a story one of my clients shared. She’s a director at a mid-sized corporation, and she arrived home exhausted after a particularly draining week. One team member used their entire weekly meeting to critique another colleague’s work. Two senior leaders were being nasty with each other, and they expected her to mediate. The negativity was relentless.
As she told me this story, she started to realize: this wasn’t an isolated bad week. For various reasons, negativity had become part of her organizational culture, the way things were done around there.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Contagion
What my client was experiencing has a neurological basis. According to neuroscientists, our brains contain specialized cells called mirror neurons that unconsciously mimic the emotional states of people around us. When chronic complainers surround us, our brains literally begin to mirror their negativity.
As organizational psychologist Manfred Kets de Vries explains in “Managing a Chronic Complainer,” chronic complainers transfer their negativity onto others: essentially using colleagues as receptacles for their feelings, leaving everyone around them feeling depleted.
And all around my client, colleagues were unconsciously mirroring each other’s negativity, creating a self-reinforcing culture where complaining had become the norm.
What We Can Control
The good news? Mirror neurons work both ways.
I listen to Positive Intelligence’s Daily Focus every morning as I drink my tea—it helps to get my day off to a thoughtful start—and this morning, founder Shirzad Chamine said:
“If we are feeling joy or curiosity or peace, the person interacting with us will gradually shift to the same mode, which then, in turn, will fuel our own positive response, creating a virtuous cycle.”
While we can’t always control our organizational culture, we can control how we show up within it. The key is brief moments of genuine connection where we transmit appreciation, gratitude, caring, or joy to another person:
- Bringing a smile to the face of a visitor
- Telling a colleague about a strength you admire
- Offering a listening ear to someone who needs it
These small acts ripple outward in ways we might not even see.
🌱 Building Your Capacity
Maintaining this kind of intentional presence, especially in challenging environments, requires practice. This is exactly the kind of outcome that the Positive Intelligence Program helps develop. One of my recent clients, a COO at a financial services firm, shared:
“The program gave me a framework and vocabulary to understand myself and my relationships better. It brought a high level of consciousness and awareness to my thoughts and behaviors, which then allowed me to reframe and rewire.”
My client with the exhausting week may encounter continuing negativity moving ahead. But she’s begun experimenting with some of those suggestions above, setting clearer boundaries, and recognizing that even in a negative culture, she has the power to create positive moments, one interaction at a time.
☀️ Try This Today
Where could you offer 10 seconds of genuine connection that might shift someone’s day—and in turn, shift your own? Because “the way we do things around here” isn’t fixed. It’s created anew in each moment, in each choice we make about how we show up.
If you’re interested in building this capacity more intentionally, I’d be happy to chat about the Positive Intelligence program. The next cohort begins in November.
Until then, may your week be filled with small moments of positivity, both given and received.
MY SERVICES |
PS – I recently created a new overview of my coaching services for individuals, teams, and organizations. If you know someone who might benefit, I’d be grateful if you’d pass it along. I’m particularly interested in organizational partnerships—working with teams to build the kind of positive cultures we’ve been discussing.
As one HR Director I recently worked with shared: “Katie has a true talent for making complex concepts approachable and relevant. I highly recommend her to any organization looking to deepen self-awareness, enhance team dynamics, and cultivate a strengths-based culture.”
I’d love to add similar value to your organization! ✨