Take a free 5-minute assessment and jumpstart positive change!

Stop Being So Judgy

Stop Being So Judgy

As I read this week’s New York Times Well newsletter, “How to Stop Being So Judgy,” I recognized exactly what the author was describing.

After a mother lost her 3-year-old daughter in a supermarket and found her safe, she vowed never to judge anyone again. Of course, that vow didn’t last long. Soon  after, the author admits she quickly reverts to judging other parents and herself.

The quickness to judge oneself, in particular, resonated with me. Though I have always been hard on myself (if you follow me on LinkedIn, you might recall my quoting my kindergarten report card!), the tendency gets more pronounced when I’m stressed. As a school leader during Covid, for example, I was constantly under pressure. When someone questioned a decision I made, I would immediately second-guess myself. Looking back, I can see my Judge was working overtime.

The Judge gets us fixated on what’s wrong with others or our life. It’s the voice that creates feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, and anxiety, and causes much of your stress and unhappiness. At times of increased stress, it’s particularly active.

Why Good Advice Isn’t Enough

The Well article offers solid strategies for shifting out of judgment: notice when you’re judging, explore your reaction, swap judgment for curiosity.

This is excellent advice. But here’s what the research says: you have to practice to make a difference.

True transformation is 20% insight and 80% muscle building. The first step is recognizing your judgment patterns. But without the daily practice that makes change last, even the most profound insights fade.

Think about the last time you attended a professional workshop and left feeling energized about everything you’d learned. But when you didn’t put that learning into consistent action, it gradually faded until you had trouble remembering what you were so excited about.

Image item
Recent research confirms what we all know to be true:the more you judge yourself, the worse you feel. But learning to shift from judgment to acceptance and curiosity significantly increases well-being.
Most of our attempts at change stop at insight. Once we notice we’ve reverted to the old behavior, we search for another workshop or promise of transformation based on insight alone. And then we become cynical about whether sustained change is even possible.

The Missing Piece: Daily Practice

The Well article identifies the problem and offers strategies, but it doesn’t explain the neuroscience: we need to train our brains to shift out of our automatic patterns.

What we all need is daily practice. There are simple exercises that help us catch our Judge in the moment and choose to respond with wisdom instead.

This is why I’m so passionate about the Positive Intelligence Program. Based in research and neuroscience, it teaches us how to shift our mental patterns and make them stick.

Image item
When I completed the seven-week Positive Intelligence (PQ) Program myself, I practiced handling my Judge differently. And the changes stuck. I learned to:
✔️ Catch My Judge – Instead of letting those critical thoughts run wild, I learned to notice when my Judge was taking over and say, “There’s my Judge again”
✔️ Shift My Mental Energy – I practiced simple 10-second exercises throughout the day to literally rewire my brain away from judgment and toward curiosity
✔️ Respond From Wisdom – Rather than reacting with criticism (toward myself or others), I learned to pause and choose a wiser response
This kind of self-awareness emerges naturally through PQ training—but it requires practice, not just intention.
Image item
Here’s how it works:
👉 We become an accountability team, which means you’ll be 500% more likely to achieve results.
👉 You’ll get practical tools like the Positive Intelligence app and simple daily exercises that help to rewire your brain in just 10 seconds (truly).
The difference? Instead of leaving another workshop with good intentions, you’ll build the actual mental muscles to respond with clarity when it matters most: whether that’s in a difficult conversation, under pressure, or when your inner critic is loudest.
📅 Curious about joining the next group in July? Hit reply and let me know. I’d love to explore whether this approach could help you move from knowing what to do to consistently doing it.
PS – If you’d like to learn more about what’s causing your stress, this free five-minute assessment will reveal what’s holding you back. It’s quick, confidential, and will pinpoint the hidden thought patterns behind your stress. I’ll guide you through what your results mean and help you map out your first small, doable steps toward increased performance and well-being.
What’s the top source of stress you’d like to tackle first?
495 241 Katie Rocker Leadership Solutions
Share This!
Next
Why Summer Won’t Reset Your Stress (And What Actually Will)
Close
Start Typing